http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VL2CgW48oE

Why Do You Push

© Jazmin Badilla

I was turning 11.
the day I needed to be happy, the
start of my 11th birthday.
but that was not the only thing
that it marked. it was also the
day that it had all started. I just
turned 11 and you just turned 15.
you knew more and were stronger.

the night came and you entered my
room as I lay awake in my bed next
to my 6 year old sister.
she was asleep and not able to witness
the horrible crime you did to me.

you poked me to see if I was awake and
I looked up smiling, hoping that you got
me something for my birthday.
but it was not. you told me to go in your
room and lay on your bed, I did exactly
that. you followed behind.
I did not know better. you pushed me back
and got on top of me.

I looked up at you, my heart pounding and
my finger tips and feet cold as ice. you told
me not to scream, you said that it would hurt.
and you were right. it felt like you were ripping
me up from the inside out. you did not slow down.
then finally there was blood coming from me. you
told me to go to the bathroom and it should stop
in 5 minutes. and when it did you raped me again.

I pushed you away and said no the quietest I could
and it sounded like nails on the board. you said
"and your point is..." and pushed your body in mine.
I cried from the pain but also because I was not aware
of what was happening.

it was the worst 5 years of my life.

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Questions

While doing this project and finding out more information about my topic I will be finding the answers to the following questions: Who is more likely to be sexually assaulted males or females? How many people are sexually assaulted annually? Is someone who was sexually assaulted more likely to sexually assault someone? Is it possible to ever really get over an event like that, or do you just accept that it happened? The reason I am asking these questions is because it will help me find that answer to my biggest question of all does being sexually assaulted as a child reflect on the relationships you get in as you get older, and the decisions you make?

Reported cases

		2003		2004	2005	2006	2007	2008		2009
Total		80,371		82,835	82,725	83,480	82,000	81,009		81,280
By force		73,483		76,015	75,930	76,773	75,545	74,901		75,720
Attempt		6,888		6,820	6,795	6,707	6,455	6,108		5,560
RATE
Per 100,000 population	33.10		33.10		32.50	32.10	30.80		30.10		29.80
Per 100,000 feamales	54.40		55.60		55.10	55.10	53.60		52.50		52.30

Reason behind my topic.

My question is: Is Sexual assault a problem in the United States?

I ask this question is because I know so many people that have been sexually assaulted including myself. It’s something that I never told anyone, the thing people don’t seem to understand is that it’s not something that you can just tell someone not even someone you are really close to. You don’t talk about it because you don’t want people acting different towards you. Just because someone has had it happen you shouldn’t let that change how you treat them; you should just support them and show them that you care. Most of the time if you have had it happen are more susceptible to have the act occur again because it makes you feel like less of a person and brings so much negative self talk. Another reason I chose this topic is to put more awareness out there of how much sexual assault happens. When something like that happens it is hard to gain back the emotional strength that you had before. There are millions of cases that go unreported because the victim is to afraid to speak up or they do not want anyone knowing that they have had it happen to them. I want to know if people realize how big of an issue this is in the United States.